Questions for a Demon
by Arsaem
Summary: "I'm sorry Mr. Demon, but this is very important information." In which a crossroad's demon is summoned, but not to make a deal. "Please just answer the question."


**Questions for a Demon**

Most would probably think her stupid for doing this. They were probably right. What she was doing was absolutely, positively one of the _worst_ ideas she's ever had, and that's saying something. Danny was quite loud in his opinion of the matter. He was all, "This is a really bad idea, Kate," and "You're going to get yourself killed and dragged to hell, Kate."

"Hush Danny," was Kate's reply. "Now be a good intern and hand me that cat's bone."

"I'm your cousin, not your intern," he reminded her, grudgingly handing her the bone. They were standing at a crossroads, a massive devil's trap taking up most of the space, and in the very center, Kate was placing the last of the ingredients into her little metal box. As you might have guessed, she was summoning a crossroad's demon. But not because she wanted to make a deal. No, she was doing this for _science._

"Kate, please, you need to reconsider," Danny begged. "I don't want you getting hurt."

"But Danny!" Kate cried, pausing in her digging to whirl on him. "The information I get could help hunters _everywhere._ There is a war going on, you know, a terrible, horrible, gruesome war that the majority of the world doesn't even know about!" Danny only rolled his eyes. Kate went off on her whole 'greater good, we must be heroes' speech at least once a week, and he could probably recite her whole spiel before she even finished. "It is our job, no, our _duty_ to make sure that all the innocents of the world are protected against the dangers that lurk in the darkness!" she continued. "Every day, dozens, if not _millions_ die horrible, agonizing deaths because of the creatures that haunt out nights. Well I say no more! It is time to bring the fight to them! It's time to finally stand up and make a difference!" She took a deep breath and added more calmly, "And since we're both wimps, this is how we can help."

Danny would protest, except it was kind of true. Sure, he could hit most any target using most any gun, but that was just because he tinkered with and made specialized bullets for them in his free time. He and his cousin were more on the academic type, preferring to be the people that hunters go to when they need info, or sometimes supplies. Kate worked at a college as a professor, having a wide range of classes from any kind of history to dead languages to mythology. Whatever books she didn't have access to, Danny picked up with his work at the library, and whatever foreign text she couldn't decipher, he could. Much like Bobby Singer (whom they've met a few times), they were the stay-at-home, call-me-if-you-need-to-prove-you're-FBI intelligents who played their part in the fight against the supernatural by their constant research and ability to answer any question about nearly any monster at a moment's notice. And in their free time, they did stupid experiments to try and find any edge to give to hunters.

Like summoning a crossroad's demon just to ask it some questions.

Kate had finished burying her box, and stood at the ready, pen and paper held in her right hand, a flask of holy water in the other. She was doing her best to look bold and unafraid, but as she mentioned earlier, she was a wimp. Danny saw that she was terrified, and it was only his back luck that her insane need to learn more was great enough to overcome said fear. Because now, standing hardly four feet away, was a demon.

They had only ever come face to face with a demon once before, when a hunter brought one in for them to question and hopefully learn from. Unfortunately, the hunter had been a bit to cocky, and fifty words of rapidly spoken Latin later, the demon was gone before they even had a chance to talk to it.

"Well well, twice the charm," the demon purred smoothly. His eyes flicked black for a moment, before returning to its previous brown. As if Danny needed any confirmation that this really was a demon. He looked down and noticed the devil's trap and clucked sourly. "Well, that's no way to treat someone who's about to make all your dreams come true."

"I didn't summon you to make a deal," Kate told him. She set the holy water down so that she could position her pad and paper, ready to take notes. "I summoned you to ask you some things. Now, first off. What happens if someone tries to make a deal, and what they ask for is eternal life? Do you give it to them? Do you seal the deal but then when the ten years are up, say 'sorry!' and drag their soul to hell?"

Whatever the demon had been expecting, it couldn't have even remotely crossed his mind that it would have been this. It was almost amusing, the way he blinked slowly, probably realizing just how loony this girl was. Seriously, who summons a demon just to ask it some _questions?_

"I'd suggest just answering," Danny told him wearily. "It would be easier...on all of us." His tone made it very clear that they did not intend to torture the demon -not really their style. But, Danny found that being on the receiving end of Kate's stubbornness could be a torture in itself, especially for one's sanity.

The demon still looked incredulous. "No!" he snarled after a moment. "We don't..." He shook his head. "We can't give eternal life!"

"Can't or won't?" Kate pressed.

The demon glared at her. "Are you asking for it?"

She shook her head, and at his glower, she said, "I'm sorry Mr. Demon, but this is very important information. Can't or won't?"

The demon looked a bit affronted at being called 'Mr. Demon,' but after a moment he smirked and said, "I'll tell you anything you want to know...for a kiss."

Danny eyed his cousin warily, because sometimes he thought that Kate really could be crazy enough to sell her soul for knowledge. Fortunately, and with great relief on Danny's part, Kate shook her head firmly. "I'm sorry, but that is not acceptable." She had gone into her 'professor mode,' as Danny called it. "Now, this will all be easier if you just answer my questions. So. Can you or can you not give eternal life? Willingness to do so aside."

It had probably been a long day for the demon. Danny wondered if he worked in a cubicle when he wasn't making deals. He bet the corner desks got views of all the tortured souls. He bet that this demon didn't have a corner desk. His was probably right next to the bathroom. And he had just been about to go home for the day when Kate called, and now he had to do this stupid deal, which was turning out to be not a deal at all. Danny thought that this was a very good explanation for the sigh that escaped the demon's lips, the resigned look in his eyes. "Can't," he told her, defeated. "I don't think any demon can give eternal life."

"Interesting," Kate murmured, scribbling on her pad. "Okay, so how does the demon hierarchy work? I mean, there seems to be a difference between crossroad's demons and regular demons, but what about the other demons? And who decides all that?"

Another sigh. "After becoming a demon, you usually get to decide where you want to go: sales, or torturing the souls. Some work close to the king, and have more power. Only the really lucky ones get to be topside."

"Fascinating!" Kate grinned. "And who's the King of Hell?"

"Crowley." Honestly, the demon thought that was common knowledge at this point.

"How do you get to be one of the higher ups?" she asked.

The demon shrugged. "Be closest to the door when Crowley needs a new lackey. Every now and then, good work ethic and experience can get you noticed."

"And the demons topside?"

"Somehow, they managed to get out of hell. Used to be you had to crawl your way out yourself," the demon admitted. "But Crowley works a tight shift, and now you usually need some kind of assignment to get on earth. Some still slip out on their own, of course, but not nearly as much as before."

Kate nodded. "So, if Crowley is the one letting demons out of hell and onto earth, how does exorcism work in keeping you guys down there?"

The demon crossed his arms and resumed his glaring. "I'm not telling you that. I've already told you a lot. And for free, too! Really, you should just break this trap and let me go now."

"I still have more questions," Kate answered.

"Well, I'm done answering," the demon shot right back. "So kill me, exorcise me, let me go, at this point, I don't really care." Danny was fairly certain he heard him mutter, "I was a crappy salesman anyway..."

"Is it possible for a demon to feel empathy?" Kate asked anyway.

"I'm done speaking."

"How is a demon even created?"

"How do you put up with this?" the demon asked Danny. He just shook his head and shrugged.

"I've been hearing rumors about the apocalypse and angels. Is all that really true?"

"Sweetheart, that's really old news," the demon sighed. "I'm gonna exorcise myself if you don't let me go soon."

Kate's eyes widened at that. "Is it possible for a demon to exorcise itself?" she exclaimed.

"Okay, I walked into that one," the demon muttered.

If possible, Danny was almost feeling sorry for him. Sure, it was a demon, but he also just looked like a guy who was having his ear talked off by his annoying cousin. "Look, he's not going to answer any more questions," Danny cut in, starting to get a little annoyed at Kate himself. "Let's just exorcise him and be done with it." She pouted, looking like she had ten more questions on her tongue, so Danny rolled his eyes and began the incantation himself. _"Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus..."_

Roughly fifty words later, they had a very confused, but thankfully alive meat-suit (his name was Jerry, and Danny _so_ did not want to deal with him right now), and a still pouting Kate, who was tapping her notepad with her pen rather pointedly. "I still had more questions," she grumbled.

"Am I dead?" Jerry asked.

Sometimes, Danny really hated his life.

* * *

 **The only reason why I wrote this is because I have, on multiple occasions, honestly wondered what would happen if someone tried to ask for immortality from a demon. In theory, they can grant anything (as seen when Crowley manages to give the location of Death by making a deal), so I was really wondering what would happen. Would they just not grant it? Would it be some kind of unsolvable paradox? Ah, such mysteries. Hope you enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it.**


End file.
